This is a post I was initially reluctant to share as it’s a little personal and touches on some areas of my life I have kept hidden from most people.
I had a problem with alcohol, I am not saying I was an alcoholic, but I did have a big self destructive streak and I was going down a bad path. I would be drinking hard around 3-4 nights a week which resulted in me waking up in random places, urinating blood, not eating for days on end, constant night terrors, hallucinations and ending up in generally grim situations. It had to stop. I knew Something was missing and that I needed help but used alcohol to escape and avoid that fact.
I lost friends, clients and all interest in my career, I considered erasing all of my artwork and websites I had created from the internet and wanted to pack it all in.
Inspired to change
It took the gradual unfolding of a new relationship to heal and motivate me to do something about my drinking. I could no longer hang upside down off a bed downing bottles of wine. When I was by myself or with certain friends it didn’t really matter how many stupid things I did, the people I surrounded myself with were just as bad.
So I took that first step which was to stop going out so much, then gradually reduce my drinking. However this didn’t work as this just eventually led to a huge blow out which resulted in some very stupid shenanigans.
I knew the only way to stop this cycle was to quit cold turkey, it had worked for quitting other things in the past, I have realised I can not have things that I enjoy in moderation. Perhaps I have an addictive personality.
Where things are now!
It has been just over 2 months now since I have quit drinking or taking anything at all. I honestly have not been sober for this long since I was 17 (7 years ago) That fact alone just makes me sad.
I definitely feel proud of myself so far, I do feel better. My moods are much more consistent.
For a few weeks I was still waking up with a hang over. Recently I have noticed a change in my waking vision, things are not so blurred, I am able to focus much more intensely without my mind wandering. I am no longer fixated on that next drink or planning how long it’s going to be before I can escape again. For once I am actually feeling some sort of inner calm.
As a result of not being hung over for half the week I have been beasting myself work wise (working 14 hour days) My business has never been so good! It’s exciting to see things back on track, I have a lot of wasted time to make up for.
What I have learned so far…
I have learned I can not have 1 drink, this will only lead to more and more.
I have learned that even though I am independent person I am dependent on a close relationship for happiness. ( Something I will need to work on)
I need to set goals to motivate myself.
What I miss
I miss certain friends.
Having no money at the time actually created a sense of freedom.
The feeling that nothing matters, it’s hard to lighten up when I am sober.
Being miserable somehow compelled me to write A LOT. When things are good I dont have the urge to write.
The dark dreams and hallucinations, although terrifying, were full of inspiration.
I have felt a new sense of responsibility to care for myself and not throw away what I have achieved so far. Many of you have been very patient with me so thank you. Others have completely distanced themselves from me which I can understand as well.
To those who I affected during that period last year and early this year I am sorry.
I want to reconnect with some of you at some point. I know two months is just a small splash in the ocean, but it’s a step in the right direction, I am saying now that I truly want to quit drinking forever.
Fingers crossed I can give an update in 6 months time with more positivity!
Currently 17 months sober, finding it hard at times but still determined!
Another speed painting landscape, I love creating these realms straight from imagination.
Painted with the Huion GT 185HD graphics tablet, read my review here.
Have a great weekend everyone 🙂
My first pack of Flowers & Plants are now available to download, these super high res png images can be added to your artwork and designs!
New packs will be added soon.
This pack is free to students on my advanced digital painting course, you can find the link to the files in the welcome module 🙂
Just a reminder, new students who enrol onto the advanced course get free access to the essentials course. This offer is limited!
Masterclass course now live!
I am pleased to announce the launch of the Master class digital painting e-course.
This is the course where you gain full access to all of my current and future digital art lessons PLUS 1 hour of private 1 to 1 tuition.
There is so much content to go through, so here is a brief run down of what is currently available.
Access to the Essentials of Digital Painting e-course
Advanced Digital Painting e-course
iPad digital painting e-course
Lucid dreaming for artists e-course
An hour of 1 to 1 tuition
Over 20 hours of narrated video tutorials
Hundreds of custom Photoshop brushes and shapes
Access to a private Facebook group
Hundreds of free psychedelic stock images to use in your work
Access to worksheets and PSD files
Promotion in our online gallery
And this is just a taster, more and more content is being developed such as a Advanced 3-D sculpting course, a ’ How To Paint’ series where I share tips on how to create specific objects such as crystals, animals, landscape & portrait tips and much more!
This course is perfect for beginners and those who already have some digital art experience.
With nearly 100 students worldwide so far, this is a super exciting time to become a part of this growing community. It has been a joy to share my techniques and to watch students develop their skills and vision!
You can find out more information about this course and enrol here:
Pushing your work to the next level.
One of the hardest things about creating artworks is to know when your piece is complete or how to take it to the next level. I recently experienced this with a digital artwork of mine.
I was trying a new approach to my work where I wanted to create a portrait out of multiple psychedelic images. I had reached a point where I felt I had achieved the effect, so I saved the image and uploaded it to my websites.
But I knew deep down something was just not right, I looked at the piece for a little longer and realised I thought it was plain ugly! I was not even happy with what I had created…so why did I consider it done?
I think in this case I was unfocused and perhaps a little lazy.
So I went back and spent a few more hours to create some new elements to the piece which instantly transformed it into something I could be proud of.
I had decided this year that I would not upload something that I had not really worked hard on, but laziness got the best of me. I realise however that taking a step back from the piece allowed me to evaluate it’s quality and future direction a little clearer.
Spending the extra time on a piece can be hard, but you will create your best artworks by pushing yourself and carefully reflecting on your piece as it develops.
Digital painting e-courses: http://www.digitalvisionaryart.co.uk/digital-painting-courses/
Portfolio website: louisdyer.com
Dreamt of walking along a bridge close to my home, dogs were following me and at that point I realised I was dreaming so I started to shout to myself, Louis your dreaming become lucid!
Gradually this got more and more intense until I was completely lucid. I ended up facing a path and out of no where a Lynx started running towards me, I was initially scared and was going to wake myself up. But instead I thought I would face it head on, I let it run and pounce at me but as it did I gently pushed it aside and it transformed into a dog. Then I had a Tiger
run at me in the same way, and again I was going to wake myself up….but instead faced it and the same thing happened, the Tiger actually turned into a Rottweiler.
A Lion did the same, after brushing the lion aside I realised I now had another pack of dogs next to me, they all had the same eyes and I knew they were trying to tell me something….I did hear a message but cant remember it now.
Last week I dreamt of a pack of dogs trying to attack me, but this week the pack of dogs seemed to be on my side….some inner conflict must have been resolved.
I then was flying around a flooded landscape, I discovered a new smoother way of flying, I used my hands to project and direct myself….kinda like iron man.
This was a ton of fun. I noticed a group of black swans swimming around, I think they were attacking another type of bird.
For some reason my dreams lately have contained lots of dogs, cats and birds and they have all seemed super intelligent and it seems as if they are talking to me through eye contact.
Thanks for looking/reading! grin emoticon